Quaker Guns

During the American civil war, positions needed to be defended in spite of a lack of resources. Armies would often mount “Quaker Guns” to intimidate would-be attackers. A Quaker Gun was simply a log of a size that looked like a 20 pounder cannon …the log was painted black and slightly cored to effect a muzzle and mounted at various points. From a distance these fakes gave the perception of a strong defense . An attacker would think twice about mounting an attack against this fearsome artillery.

For many, life is warfare. There are tactical and strategic decisions to be made, positions to be defended and sieges to be endured.Those who are embattled often mount their own version of Quaker guns – guns that do no real harm (to the enemy) but tend to keep attackers at bay. They are in a siege situation. The constant low-intensity conflict creates a burning need to seize the high ground, dig moats and trenches and place gabions to slow the attackers …real or perceived.

I have seen these staged defenses in my own life and I find that three of them are prominent: perfectionism, asceticism and deflection stand out.

Perfectionism leaves no room for the enemy of doubt to breach the defense. A student with a perfect GPA is defended from anyone’s suggestion that they are not smart. Great wealth defends against spiritual poverty. Being mistake free crushes criticism.

Asceticism is also effective. Non-participation in life’s dirty business gives sure defense against criticism. Saying, “I don’t do that” to many of life’s pleasures will keep you healthy, wealthy and wise. It confers a superiority over others who are leading their messy lives.

Deflection is the most powerful ordnance in the battle. This can be seen in the, “you know what’s wrong with you?” and “I know you are but what am I” people who claim victimhood at every turn.

Our Quaker guns minimize our mistakes and create the illusion that our positions are strong.

It would be better to be happy, joyous and free but it is a great risk to leave our well defensed positions.

As I continue to make mistakes and slog along, I want to sue for peace. I remember old Will Shakespeare who encouraged us to see things differently. I want “the good things of life : pleasure, enjoyment dost thou think because thou art virtuous there will be no more cakes and ale?” I want the life that offers cakes, ale, cinnamon rolls , cookies, biscotti, muffins and pies. When you are fully involved in life, mistakes will be multiple and repeated. I need to learn how to embrace that.

Finally, it’s good to remember the old Italian proverb: “he who makes no mistakes, makes nothing.”

I admire the courage of those who have left the trenches and embraced life and its joys.