Masterpiece

Cicero asserted that, “life is nothing without friendship” and I think he’s right. A consideration of the idea of friendship-its subtleties and requirements – makes for an interesting couple of hours. Like LOVE, FREEDOM and SUCCESS, FRIENDSHIP has a unique tendency to defy precise description. In an attempt to define friendship some weird theories and half-truths emerge. We get odd concepts like tough love (more often tough than loving) and co-dependence. Theories of what a friend should do- and be – are as variable as the people doing the theorizing.

Cerrtainly, I have benefitted from the tough approach. There is an old Sicilian proverb that nails this type of friendship:” only your friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” Good friends have the courage to speak truth to you with confidence and I have been redirected to the right path many times by friends who spoke out. A particularly useful friend once told me something I’ll never forget. I had spent about an hour complaining about my life when he finally established eye contact and said, “you have a nice home, a pretty wife, healthy kids and a good job…you’re running out of reasons to be an asshole.” That was a sorely needed kick in the ass delivered from a place of real concern. Friends will do that.

Friends often share histories as much as they share souls. Good friends know almost all of your stories and in many cases helped you create them. Shared memories create the comfort that is necessary for honesty. Lifelong friends are in this group and despite years apart the shared narratives continually refresh your connection. Being with these people is always rejuvenating.

There are the fiends that I call moral friends… the people with whom you are always pleasant and appropriate . In short, you amuse each other. Sports scores , fashion ideas and shared hobbies are how people that pass the time pleasantly. These types of friends are essential to our sense of belonging and our position in the world.

What we do know about friends is limited but it certainly includes the capacity to be truthful, the desire to sustain and shared interests that might include long histories of togetherness. The poet Naomi Shihab Nye in her work entitled KINDNESS tells you how to spot potential friends:”kindness raises its head above the crowd of the world to say it is I you’ve been looking for ,and then goes with you everywhere like a shadow or a friend.” We will cleave to a person that shows kindness with great energy.

Today, I am grateful for my friends, old and new. They are fully realized, three dimensional forces in my life . They are not mere caricatures . As Emerson said, ” a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature. “

No doubt.