Come Back Shame

Recent assaults on the truth and the alarming descent into violence that we are experiencing make it clear that we will go to any length and contort ourselves in an alarming way to avoid discomfort. One of our least favorite-and must painful -states is feeling shame. Shame is that painful feeling of humiliation, distress and disappointment that comes when expectations are not met, when we are socially awkward , or downright foolish. It is the consciousness that we are not what we appear, or hope to be.

It is important to focus on the idea of consciousness when we think of shame and to realize that shame can be a necessary to step toward improvement . Rather than a grisly form of self-punishment, shame can be seen as a catalyst for positive change.

We are in trouble when we try to deny that this emotion is present or that is an unfair reaction to our behavior. There is much to be ashamed about.

I see so many people dealing with shame by denying its existence ..and its usefulness. Indeed, “they feel no shame” is a statement that places a person on the fringe and suggests a person has no integrity, or honor. In fact scores of people get very angry when they should be ashamed and we are burdened with their rage, their idiotic conflations and their need to stigmatize. We see the suggestion that stupidity is as valuable as education , that whole groups of people are pedophiles and that social norms of any kind have no meaning. When a person refuses to own and adapt to their own shame , they are unable to take advantage of the call to action that shame so clearly implies.

A nation without shame is a nation without honor and self respect. To avoid discomfort about our own-or our nation’s- checkered past we will go to great lengths such as banning books, sneering at critical race theory, demeaning minority populations and objectifying women. In committing these acts we get to escape our own shame and return to our unaware state of comfort. In Germany, every student is taught about the Holocaust…not because they are targeted for guilt but for the purpose of ensuring that their generation does better that those that preceded it. We are now banning books in the interest of somnambulate comfort. Oscar Wilde tells us why:” the books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.”

Shame, like pains of all sorts should be a call to action , an instructive agent that leads us to a better state . Shame is the pain in your chest that motivates you to see a cardiologist. The medicine for change is the truth.

We will be uncomfortable for a while but shame needs to be a first step on the road to recovery.

We will need courage to own our shame and even more to learn from it.

We have good reason to be ashamed and even more compelling reasons to do better.