Curmudgeon

Recently, I went to mail a letter and was told that I had to add postage. This letter was festooned with a “forever stamp.” Forever…I don’t think so. This simple transaction led to a real epiphany. I had become a curmudgeon. When I returned home, I started a list of all the things that truly piss me off and I noticed a great change in today’s irritants. I am not angry enough about income inequality, student loan non-forgiveness and a fair shake for people of color but I am very nearly enraged by incidentals. It is a death by a thousand cuts. Sandwiches that are too big to eat in one sitting, dull knives and crushed toothpaste tubes are pushing me to the brink.

I thought that this state might be improved by a quick snack. Big mistake. I grabbed for a bunch of bananas and found them encircled with tape . Not only did I have to peel the banana but I also had to free it from the bunch. I ran from the bananas like a dog leaving a burning building and went to the cookies. These came in a plastic clamshell that required tools to breach. Next, a mealy apple with its disgusting consistency appeared. I felt that the universe was toying with me with a level of malevolence that defied logic.

I had to agree with H.L.Mencken: “the cynics are right nine times out of ten.” Nobody likes wet newspapers or the toy tools that come with IKEA products but many seem to move on easily. This is not my way.

Is there anything worse than a computer that corrects your word choice or an order form that requires so much data that you give up. You will not get the meat thermometer that was on sale.

I would love to be one of those happy folks who are not bothered by life’s little idiocies but so far I’m losing the battle. I feel like my only choice is to adopt the wisdom of W.C Fields who gave this advice: “start every day with a smile and get it over with.”

I’m smiling now.