Straws In Your Nose

“A man’s manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait.” – Goethe

The scene was perfect, a white Christmas morning full of joy and expectation graced by a beautifully decorated 10 foot tree… we snuck about, waiting for three gorgeous grand kids to tumble down the stairs into a sea of gifts. I was excited too and probably for the same reasons. Santa had come and the world was full of possibility.

Everything went well-predictably- until a granddaughter presented me with a special gift that she had picked out herself. The heft and shape suggested a book and my mind ran fast as I wondered what the little cutie thought “Pa” would be enjoying in the world of literature. I tore the wrapping slowly, savoring the moment.

The book turned out to be Dude, that’s RUDE ! It sported a subtitle: Get Some Manners. As so often happens, I was both amused and troubled. Did my granddaughter see me as s boor? I say please and thank you I do not share flatulence with them. There are no – Pull my finger moments” and I studiously avoid noodle slurping. What was the source of this gift? Did I wipe my fingers on her dress? NEVER.

Soon it occurred to me that the problem was a normal one, having to do with the perception of the grandPa as a kind of benevolent Mr. Micawber with hair sprouting from his nose and ears who delivers the line made famous by WC Fields in the role,” remember my motto. Nil Desperandum! -“never despair.” I have used another line when the grandkids can’t find a toy or life has treated them harshly…”something will turn up.” I am their friendly anachronism.

I chose not to take offense and have actually read the book. Page 45 gave me a quick checklist of “do nots”. There can be no: 1)noodle slurping 2) pea flicking 3) soda spraying 4)milk gargling 5) see food 6) straws in your nose 7) saying “Ewww”! 8) saying “your lunch stinks” 9)wiping fingers on friends. Despite the fact that I don’t know what “pea flicking” actually is and the admission that I have done “train wreck” with a mouthful of food, I scored a healthy 7 out of 9. As I moved to the day of resolutions many manner lessons were worked into my New Year’s goals.

It was then that I knew that the little scamp was not being merely humorous. She really thought that this book would help me get along in life and you gotta love her for that.

I suppose good manners require a thank you note.