I stumbled upon a few words from Oscar Wilde that sparked a few talks and some thought:” always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much. ”
The nature of forgiveness and absolution is difficult to grasp but some points are available. It seems that forgiveness is often undertaken to comfort the forgiver; forgiveness has no power to change the event or absolve the real-or perceived-transgression. It is simply a step toward unburdening the forgiver of resentment and anger and the burdens that come with them. It is an act of self care that neither absolves or corrects…it relieves.
Our very sensitive and implantable souls do not forget a thing . There is no real closure or, “moving on” but rather an analgesic for the person who has been wronged. Historically we have understood that absolution can not be granted by another human being…it must come from a power beyond human limitations…if it comes at all. Forgiveness gives us a chance to drop ultimate responsibility for judging the actions of others. Forgiveness is in a sense freedom.
We are freed from the need to create a narrative that sanitizes horrible behaviors and it frees us from the burden of judgement.
Because we are human and prone to the transgressions that come with that state, we all have been forgiven at some time or another. Have we forgiven ourselves?
When we do or say something that we know is wrong and hurtful our best option is to make- or attempt to make- amends for our conduct. Often amends are not possible or not accepted. By making the effort we are further unburdened. As theologian Lewis B Smedes once observed, ” to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
So forgiving one’s enemies is a perfect type of self care that peels away our guilt, anger and intolerance. I have no power to absolve anyone but I sure can forgive them. I need to take care of myself.
Olio Folio 