Gym Rat

2019 marks my 50th year as a gym rat and my never ending battle against entropy is still hot. Among the many benefits of regular weight bearing exercise is the opportunity to take advantage of one of the best platforms for observing primate behavior. A good gym is attended by both sexes and every age group and the activities in a good gym are multiple including free weights, machines, classes and an aerobic studio studded with cycles, treadmills and stair climbers. You can study your fellow man in a variety of settings as they perform a variety of tasks.

Over the years I have defined five gym rat subgroups and they are very interesting. The first of these are the gladiators.

The gladiators are young and of both sexes; they never work out on machines, only free weights will do. Their dress includes the essential tank-top, short shorts – to show off the quads, weight lifting gloves and a small towel often rakishly tucked in to the waist band of the aforementioned shorts. They work in a noisy land of grunts and explosive exhales and they talk about technique from the dreaded Valsalva maneuver to the correct form for spotting. Only a select few are admitted to this crowd and the look is all important. Their rooms are lined with mirrors.

The second group are the kittens. These are usually-but not always-female. They are dressed in the newest and most flattering workout gear that shows off their best features. This group displays primate flirting behavior – hair flouncing, creative chat etc-and they can usually be found stretching as weights can make you sweat. This sub-group are at the gym with an agenda other than functional fitness. The gym beats bars and clubs for meeting that signifiant other.

Next, are the Bros. The Bros only come in pairs and one spots while the other lifts. They are notably under appointed and they wear team logo tee shirts and gym shorts that haven’t been washed since Arnie won Mister Olympia. Their talk is complex and cars, women, sports scores and job hassles are included in the repartee. Some have studied work out plans and they are all about the ideal mix of reps and sets. Later, they will have a few cold ones together.

A short glimpse and you will see group number four … The Walking Wounded. These are the people that cause you to wonder how they got to the gym at all. They have bad knees, bad hips, and are looking for some ease of their pain. They are on the machines because they offer safety, control and good minimum weight options. They diligently move among the machines with a particular focus on the equipment that works their non-functioning body parts. This group is the one that sits on a machine and talks on the cell phone while you wait for your turn.

Finally, there are the class takers. These are the gyms maximizers and they add a strong social element to their exercise. Their physical effort is matched by the energy they expend asking about your kids, your job and your overall health. Exercise happens in the background of social give and take.

I am not sneering at any of these groups because in the last 50 years I’ve been a member of each group and the bottom line is that I respect them all for being there and fighting the fight against the indolence that can kill you. So, I’ll pour another protein drink and show up for drill.

Movement is life.